Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Weasel Skins And Why I Have No Friends

A friend of mine and I were in the bathroom at a big fancy party that she had made the mistake of inviting me to, when she asked me:

"Hey, you know those things that make you happy but shouldn't?"
Looking back I think she was looking for relationship advice or something, but I just wasn't there.

"You mean like weasel skins?"

"No, lik- Wait. What?"

"You know, Like the skin from a weasel. The other day I was online looking through badger skins when I stumbled upon a bunch of weasel skins for sale, They would make the greatest hand puppets! Can't you imagine it? I could even put tiny wigs on them. They would be fantastic."

"Wait. What? I don't- What?"

"Whats cuter than a weasel? A weasel hand puppet. That's what."

"So wait... You were looking for badger skins?"

"Yep. But weasel skins are so much more fun."

"And your going to make them into hand puppets...?"

"Of course. They're the perfect shapes if you cut off the legs."

At this point she just stood there with her mouth hanging open.
And I can't believe she was even surprised.

(To whom it may concern: I did not end up buying the weasel skins because they did not die of natural causes. And I'm a humane psychopath.)

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